Movie Review: The Family

The Family is a four-member family 'fish out of water' tale- American gangsters in France.  It's We're the Millers with more Scorcese than Sudekis.  Or perhaps The Millers if it was an action film/ gritty drama instead of slapstick comedy.

It's because it's Luc Besson of Fifth Element, Professional,Taken,and The Transporter series fame.  It also means DeNiro's gangster send-up couldn't be any more different than his Analyze this character.

Which may be what is wrong with this film as it's a dark comedy or farce more than the standard Hollywood idea of a comedy.  The cast is great- DeNiro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Glee's Dianna Algron, and John D'Leo as is the supporting cast- Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore, Tommy Lee Jones, and ex-WWF star Ted Arcidi.

Besides the cast, the best thing about the movie is Besson who makes an incredibly cool looking film that sticks with the viewer.  Unfortunately, Besson is the worst thing about the movie, as his script never quite takes the film where you know it could go.  It feels like a series of scenes that have funny moments, but never quite gels. The best moments are clever (DeNiro taking a wink at a DeNiro film is the most non-spoilerish I can do, Michelle Pfeiffer going "Ugly American" and d'Leo taking a page out of "Rock N Roll High School") but never laugh-out-loud funny and are memorable and enjoyable, but never feel particularly original.

The movie does move along fairly well, and the end is closer to an action movie than anything else, which leads to something that most will enjoy, but unlikely to land on anyone's "must watch" list

Miscellaneous Debris: Moar Football

In case you missed it, Kiss is now in the Arena Football business.

Yep, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons bought an Arena team.

"We're known for being bombastic and bringing a lot of artillery and firepower," Stanley says. "Now let's see if we can bring that to a football game. And we will."

"Well, let's see, we have built a brand that for 40 years has been synonymous with spectacle," Stanley says. "What shall we call ourselves, the L.A. Hamburgers?"

Gene Simmons didn't trademark the word "orange Juice" like Dio claims, but he has spent the last four decades trying to make a buck off anything he could put Kiss on, including coffins.



Of course, Arena football isn't the NFL and more people know Jon Bon Jovi owns a team (or used to) than they know any player.  Still, it's a fun experience and hey, i get it.

"We want to make it an event," Stanley says. "During halftime and other breaks, you're owed more than a guy dressed up like a hamster running around the field. We're going to make sure there's entertainment that keeps you dazzled. This is about football, but why not embellish it?"

Which also means season ticket holders (starting at $99) get a free Kiss concert.  It means conceptual artists are already planning out new uniforms.



Or digging into the archives



And almost obligatory... Offering Tim Tebow a contract

Acquiring Tebow would not only be a great investment for the team, but his exciting style of play would definitely send shockwaves through the league," Simmons said in a statement. "We're excited for the opportunity to see him with an LA KISS uniform on, and for the LA KISS fans to be rockin' their Tebow shirts and jerseys."   "

"Similar to how Kurt Warner blossomed in the NFL after becoming one of the greatest quarterbacks in AFL history, we feel our league is the best place for Tim to refine his skills and gain valuable repetitions. We have tremendous faith in Tim's ability to succeed in the AFL," KISS co-owner Brett Bouchy said.

The LA KISS aren't the first to ask, of course:

KISS' offer isn't the first time Tebow's been offered an indoor football contract. The Omaha Beef offered him a contract in April, that same month he also got an offer from the Lingerie Football League to be the LFL's 'National Quarterback Coach.'